The King of Positivity

I'm happy!

I'm sure that there are some of you out there scratching your heads and thinking, "WTF? Jake is happy? Where the hell did that come from?"

Where it came from is work. While my day is long and stressful, my job brought an amazing woman into my life. She gets me like no one ever has, and respects who I am. She is brilliant and funny and her sense of humor is very much like mine. She is so incredibly beautiful that I have to catch my breath every time I look at her, and I sometimes stop and think to myself, "Oh my God, how did I get so lucky?"

She loves Bears football.

Her cats adore me, and my cats adore her. My mother thinks she's a peach.

And I love her completely and unconditionally.

Low Ebb

I've been caught in a creative dry spell for several months, and it's driving me crazy.

20 WAYS TO STAY SANE

1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In."
5. Put de-caf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For smuggling diamonds."
7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat with a serious face.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, "Rock Bottom."
17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream, "I won, I won!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running toward the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
20. Walk up behind a stranger on the street and say, "Excuse me, you dropped your finger." And then watch them look down.

Bad Boy

I'm at work. I'm bored. I thought I'd say hi to everyone who misses me.

I'm a bad boy.

Meme for a Musical Afternoon

Ha! Another meme swiped from Dixie, who in turn swiped it from her pal, Katya, who, according to Dix, "has a blog that talks about music and books is who I stole it from but it originated here. Ever wanted to know who Person Zero was when it came to a meme? Now you know."

Here are the rules as Bookhart wrote them:

The idea behind the blog is that it's about music, and that you can put up to three answers to any question. But no more. One answer is OK, two answers is OK, three answers is OK. Four is not OK, and five is right out. Unless otherwise indicated, you can only choose songs, and be specific--putting "anything by Madonna" doesn't count.

NAME UP TO THREE:

Song(s) That I Loathe to the Core of My Being
"Afternoon Delight" - Starland Vocal Band
That fucking "Woo hoo" song that Vonage adopted for its radio and TV advertising.
Any song involving more than a nanosecond of whistling

Musical Artist(s) That I Loathe to the Core of My Being
Mariah Carey
Whitney "Crack is whack" Houston
Anyone who whistles

Rolling Stones Song(s) I Love
"Little T&A"
"Sympathy for the Devil"
"Gimme Shelter"

Beatles Song(s) I Love*
"I've Just Seen a Face"
"Tomorrow Never Knows"
"Across the Universe"

Who Song(s) I Love
"I Can't Explain"
"The Kids Are Alright"
"Substitute"

Reggae Song(s) I Love
"Fire of Heaven/ Altar of Earth" - Matisyahu**
"Jerusalem" - Matisyahu**
"Salom/ Salaam" - Matusyahu**

Country Song(s) I Love
"Ring Of Fire" - Johnny Cash
"Western Stars" - k.d. lang
"Don't Let the Stars Get in Your Eyes" - k.d. lang

Movie Soundtrack(s) I Love
"Pulp Fiction"
"Seven Brides for Seven Brothers"
"Grease"

Musical Soundtrack(s) I Love
"Jesus Christ, Superstar"
"Oklahoma!"

Cover Song(s) I Love
"Across the Universe" - Fiona Apple (orig. The Beatles)
"September Gurls" - The Bangles (orig. Alex Chilton)
"Sway" - The Pussycat Dolls (orig. Dean Martin)

Contemporary Top-40 Artist(s) I Secretly Love
The Pussycat Dolls
Kelly Clarkson
Corinne Bailey Rae

Song(s) That Bring Me to Tears
"I Think It's Going to Rain Today" - Bette Midler
"Ev'ry Time We Say Goodbye" - Annie Lennox

Song(s) That Make Me Shake My Ass***
"Sway" - Dean Martin or Pussycat Dolls

Classical Composer(s) I Love
Aaron Copland****
George Gershwin****

Rap/Hip-Hop Song(s) I Love
"Mama Said Knock You Out" - L L Cool J

70s Disco Song(s) I Love
"Heaven Must Be Missing an Angel" - Tavares
"I Feel Love" - Donna Summer
"Jungle Boogie" - Kool & the Gang

70s Supergroup Song(s) I Love
"Time for Me to Fly" - REO Speedwagon
"Feelin' That Way/ Any Time" - Journey
"Carry On Wayward Son" - Kansas

Metal Song(s) I Love
"(Don't) Fear The Reaper" - Blue Öyster Cult
"Rock and Roll" - Led Zeppelin
"Born to Be Wild" - Steppenwolf

New Wave Song(s) I Love
"Psycho Killer" - Talking Heads
"Picture This" - Blondie
"Heaven" - Eurogliders

Soul/R&B Song(s) I Love
"Chain of Fools" - The Commitments
"I'm Gonna Love You Just a Little More, Baby" - Barry White
"No Scrubs" - TLC

Power Ballad(s) I Love
"November Rain" - Guns n' Roses
"Love Song" - Tesla
"Baby Blue" - Badfinger

Pre 1950s Song(s) I Love
"What a Wonderful World" - Louis Armstrong
"From This Moment On" - Lena Horne
"Take the A Train" - Glenn Miller

Punk Song(s) I Love
"London Calling" - The Clash
"Should I Stay or Should I Go?" - The Clash
"Know Your Rights" - The Clash

Singer/Songwriter Song(s) I Love
"(We Have) No Secrets" - Carly Simon
"Smackwater Jack" - Carole King
"True Companion" - Marc Cohn

MTV Video(s) I Love
"Beautiful Stranger" - Madonna
"Kiss Me Deadly" - Lita Ford
"Here I Go Again" - Whitesnake

Song(s) To Have Sex To
"The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" - Roberta Flack
"Wicked Game" - Chris Isaak
"Supernova" - Liz Phair

None Of The Above Song(s) I Love
"Surrender" - Louise Goffin
"Time Waits For No One" - The Graces
"Sexy Hypnotist" - Luscious Jackson

* Easily one of my favorite bands. It's quite difficult to select only three songs, so I narrowed it down to the three that I hit the Repeat button on the most often.

** Who is Matisyahu, you ask? I wanna know why you DON'T know Matisyahu =P

*** I don't shake my ass in the classical sense. But I am good at ballroom, and "Sway" is a great song to dance to.

****In case you're protesting, Copland and Gershwin were classical composers. So there.