So a squrrel leapt from my balcony rail onto the screen door and just clung there upside down, chattering away. My back was to the door when it happened and it startled me, but my cats immediately ran up to the screen and started giving the squirrel shit.
Gilda: "You want a piece of me, ya fuckin' rat?"
Squirrel: "Bring it on, bitch!"
Milo: "You ain't no squirrel, squirrels have bushy tails. That looks like a toilet brush!"
Gilda: (turning around to demonstrate the rattlesnake tail technique) "Now, THAT'S a tail!"
Squirrel: "Bite me, fatty! Now let me in and show me the pantry!"
Gilda: (attempting to jump onto the screen) "Die, bitch! The tuna is mine!"
Squirrel: "Nyah, nyah, you can't get me. But next time your dad comes out here for a smoke I'm gonna bite his ass."
Milo: "Lucky for you I only have one eye."
Squirrel: "Fuck off, ya big pussy."
At this point I found the squirt bottle and sprayed the bushy rat until it leapt over to my neighbor's balcony. Of course, it came back several times to taunt the cats.
My real problem is, I really want a cigarette.
Me, Me Me
- JT
- No longer treading water with one leg in a bear trap. I'm getting married to a hot babe whose sense of humor is almost exactly like mine! How awesome is that??? I still have my boyish good looks - even with the graying hair. And nine out of ten dentists agree that boyish good looks will keep you afloat.
1 comment:
"Bite me, fatty! Now let me in and show me the pantry!"
I damn near peed my britches when I read that!
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