With An Offer Like That...

I clicked on my Outlook Express icon a couple of hours after I got home tonight, and gave it a few minutes to download all of my mail. Some days this task takes a little longer, particularly if A and I have been shooting e-mails back and forth while we're supposed to be doing real work; and the more we e-mail, the more I have to sync with my home PC.

And I don't care because our e-mails and text messages and phone calls are the best parts of my day. But I digress...

So Outlook Express finished syncing and I minimized my hand of Free Cell to see what had popped up in the last few hours; and, mixed in with items I've been watching on ebay and jokes from my friend Donna in North Carolina, was a reminder that I need to update my spam filters.

CumOnMyTits! screamed one message from within the once-safe recesses of my Inbox; and, once I had successfully suppressed a bone-deep shudder, the angel on my shoulder whispered in my ear.

Her name is Margaret Cho. And when she whispered in my ear, the next time I read the subject line of that unwelcome message it was delivered unto my brain in her voice.

CumOnMyTiiiiiits! Margaret shrieked, the invitation blended into one long, breathless word, and I found myself laughing hysterically, laughing only the way she can make me. I'm talking crossing-my-legs laughing.

Whenever I need a pick-me-up I'll pop in one of her DVDs -- Notorious C.H.O. is the best -- and laugh myself silly. There's nothing like the expletive-laden comedy of a Korean-American fag-hag to brighten my day.

Especially if she's screaming CumOnMyTiiiiiits!